Holiday Drabble: Thou Tree Most Fair And Lovely
by Merisel
Summary: Agent Simmons is out to solve a mystery.


December 23, 3:16 p.m. That was when Simmons got his first clue that something was up.

It was during the latest weekly meeting with Defense Secretary Keller. During a brief lull in conversation, Robert Epps stood, hand raised. "Mr. Secretary, about our request-."

"Sergeant Epps," Keller acknowledged. "I've consulted the President and he's given his approval." He looked at his watch, an odd smile crossing his face. "As a matter of fact, the 'package' is being delivered as we speak."

Request? Simmons scowled. What was that all about? It didn't surprise him one bit that The Clique - as he'd derogatively called them - would use their friendship with the Autobots to wrangle favors from the U.S. government. But it was not being told of this that really bugged the hell out of Simmons.

"Thank you, Sir!" Epps saluted smartly, then, grinning secretively, walked out. Before the meeting was even over.

Suspicious, and determined to satisfy his curiousity, Simmons followed Epps. He peaked out into the hallway, watching as Epps looked about - checking that the coast was clear, obviously - before going into the men's restroom, cell phone in hand.

Simmons scurried over to the door, opening it partway, and heard the sound of Epps checking each stall to make sure no one else was in there. There was a moment of silence, then he heard Epps speaking. It sounded like 'Operation Radko is a go. I repeat, Operation Radko is a go. Have everything ready.'

_Operation Radko, huh? We'll see about that. _Whatever they had planned, he was sure it was no good. Dangerous to the country's security. Simmons dashed into an empty conference room, narrowly avoiding getting caught eavesdropping by Epps. Standing just to the left of the doorway, Simmons listened hard. Epps' footsteps faded down the hallway, heading to main exit. Ok, Pal. Let's see what you're up to.

Simmons left the room, continuing the pursuit. In full Ninja mode, in his not-so-humble opinion.

Once outside, Epps looked around again before getting into a brand new, metallic green Jaguar convertible. One of the perks of being a hero. Using other cars as cover, Simmons opened the driver's side door of his own black BMW, as quietly as possible.

Having had alot of experience at this, Simmons kept well back as he tailed Epps. He was surprised when, instead of heading out of town, the soldier stopped at a grocery store. Simmons circled the block once before pulling into the parking lot, taking a space five rows over from Epps' Jaguar. Then he waited.

And waited.

Fifty-two minutes later, Epps finally emerged from the store.

_Jesus H. Christ_, Simmons thought, disgusted. _This guy's gotta be one of the worst shoppers in the world_. The cart Epps' was pushing wasn't even half full! A couple more minutes were spent loading the bags in the trunk. Apparently they had to be arranged just right. Military types could be so anal retentive.

This time Epps took the freeway, driving past the city limits and out into the desert. Thirty miles later he turned off onto a service road, the one that led to the Autobot's compound. Their new home was a huge 25,000 square foot building, constructed out of materials the government had donated to them. From what Simmons knew of the blue prints, it included mini-apartments for when their human buddies visited.

Simmons pulled over on the shoulder of the freeway, then watched the clock. Ten minutes should be enough time to convince Epps he hadn't been followed. Driving slowly, he headed down the unpaved road. If he remembered correctly, there was a spot where he could park without being noticed. From there he'd continue on foot.

Yup, right there being that sand dune. With a smug smile, Simmons changed his clothes, putting on light tan pants and shirt, with a matching ski mask. A perfect disguise. Before charging into the lion's den, so to speak, he decided to conduct some surveillance first with his high-powered binoculars.

There was no one in sight, visitors or guards or whatever. Hm. Armed with his IPhone - a more useful weapon under the circumstances - Simmons jogged the last half-mile to the compound. The front door was enormous, and made of steel, but mercifully unlocked. Still, it was an effort opening it. Simmons took a moment to catch his breath, then poked his head inside. The entry hall, if it could be called that, was rectangular shaped. There were several sets of double doors, one of which had been left open a few inches; the pair on the far right of the corridor. As quiet as a mouse Simmons made his way over to that room. He could hear people talking inside, but couldn't make out what they were saying.

The hinges were well-oiled and didn't make any noise when he opened the doors a little bit more. The first person he saw was Optimus Prime. There was something about the Autobots' leader, a presense, that drew all eyes to him, Simmons had to admit.

Prime had a bemused expression on his metal face, as is whatever he was looking at was the weirdest thing he's ever seen. That sent his curiousity into over-drive. Simmons edged forward to get a clear view. His mouth dropped open.

Standing there, smack dab in the middle of the room, was The Fallen! The evil Decepticon who'd almost destroyed Earth!

But what was even more mind-boggling was that the Fallen seemed to be wearing some kind of freaky ballgown made of pine tree branches.

WHAT. THE. HELL?

Simmons closed his mouth with a snap. All around The Fallen was scaffolding, and on that scaffolding were the youngsters. Mikaela Banes and Maggie Madsen were hanging fancy glass ornaments on the branches. Ironhide loomed over them, a cardboard box held out to them. More ornaments, probably. Made by Radko. That explains the name of this Operation, realized Simmons, once he got his brain working again.

On the other side of the scaffolding was the Witwicky kid, tossing silver tinsel over The Fallen.

No wonder Optimus looks as if he's just seen a three-headed giraffe!

Witwicky's family was here, too. His father was over by a long table, talking to Epps, Lennox and that Glenn kid about the menu for the Christmas dinner. Ratchet stood behind them, offering advice about healthy alternative to things like syrupy yams.

Judy Witwicky was sitting on a sofa, showing the runt robot, Wheelie, how to thread colored popcorn to hang all along the walls.

"Okay, all done, Ironhide," announced Maggie, hanging the last two ornaments.

"Mph. Took long enough," the black Autobot grouched, and tossed the empty box over his shoulder.

"Hey, Will!" Mikaela waved an arm at him. "We're ready for the finishing touch."

"Okay. Got it right here." Lennox picked up another cardboard box and brought it over, handing it to Ironhide.

Ironhide plucked it from the human's hands, then offered it to Sam. It was only right that the boy had the honor.

"Oh. Ok, cool." Quickly tinseling a couple bare branches he'd missed, Sam then reached into the box. He needed both hands to pick up the object.

Simmons stuffed the bottom of his ski mask in his mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

In the boy's grasp was a gaudy-looking crown, cobbled together from over a dozen christmas tree toppers. Even atop the scaffolding, Sam had to reach a little to place the crown on The Fallen's head.

Mikaela, Maggie and Sam scrambled down to the ground, all three grinning like Chechire Cats.

Simmons stepped back from the doorway, his wits still a little slowed by the spectacle he'd just witnessed. Unbelievable! They were actually using The Fallen as a Christmas Tree!

"Whaddya think, Optimus?" asked Sam. "Doesn't he look great?"

"He looks...very festive, Sam," Optimus responded, his voice strained as he stoically held back a laugh.

This had to have been Sam's idea. He was the most outrageous of them all. _Time to go_, decided Simmons. But first... He peeked back into the room, cell phone held up. One quick press of a button when no one was looking in his direction, and Simmons was hurrying out of The Funhouse.

Tomorrow, as soon as he had some free time, he was going to have that picture of The Fallen enlarged and framed.

The End


End file.
